What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 25.06.2025 03:50
She married twice! .
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Can both male and female cows be milked? Can bulls also be milked?
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Why did i forgive my father ?
Dental experts reveal 6 essential tips to prevent tooth loss in aging adults - AOL.com
Comes on , in middle age.
Who then, do I blame.?
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
How do I get rid of a cold in 1 day?
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
She found it foreign!.
Alex Cora Takes Blame for Red Sox Woes After Extra Innings Loss - Sports Illustrated
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
He was dying to do it , i knew.
UNC Botches Lead, Falls to Arizona in Super Regional Rubber Match - 247Sports
I will be 64.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Injuries force USMNT to make roster changes as the Gold Cup nears - The Washington Post
So, i spoilt her more .
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
HBO’s New Movie Fiercely Splits Critics & Audiences On Rotten Tomatoes - Screen Rant
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
But it wasn’t much.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Stock futures fall as investors eye Israel-Iran conflict: Live updates - CNBC
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Giant Inland Boulder a Remnant of Ancient Tsunami - Newser
All the time i was locked up.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I waited trembling.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I couldn’t, believe it.
(And it was in our own minds.)
I have no regrets .
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I don,t even have a pension.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
When she asked me how she looked .
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
One cannot live in the past .
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I was seconnd youngest,
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I was 9 years of age.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I never cut or harmed myself..
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
She was in good health!
Im still living with it.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
He resisted the act ,that day.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
So whats the point in blame.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Was to survive, this bastard.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I could never make a relationship work though!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Put me off passion for life!!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
My mum and dad in the seventies!
He knew the spot.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
We were not on the streets..
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I think the readers, may guess!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
She wouldn,t have been !
On the 31st of Jan this month .
The only rule us 5 kids had .
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Ive learnt so much.
My life is so biszare .
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Especially a lifetime of it.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Would this be the day?
I was scared of men, in general
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
As i do to all so called friends.?
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
What did i know ?
This is soul school!.
But, we were locked up after school.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
My family never makes their pension either.
And i lived it daily.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I was very sick at this time too.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
It was going to be , some day.
I said to her
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
We all went to grammer schools
She loved him until the end.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I write beautiful poetry .
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.